17-year-old invites mom and dad to graduation but doesn't invite his stepmom, she blames dad for not securing her an invite: 'I should get a ticket, not his mom'

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    AITA for telling my son not to invite my wife to his graduation?

    I (36m) have a son (17m) that is graduating high school this year. His mom and I spit up when he was young, and I got married to my now wife (37f) a few years ago. His mom
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    doesn't live super closed, so my son mostly stays with me, but he'll call her a few times a week and go over to her house on long weekends.
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    My son wanted to invite me, my wife, his mom, and his brother (19m) to his graduation, but each student only gets up to 3 tickets. My son tried asking if he could
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    get one more, but they told him that since the school auditorium wasn't very big, they wouldn't have enough seating if they gave students extra tickets. They did tell him
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    that the school usually does a raffle for extra tickets if they have any open spots, but the tickets aren't guaranteed. My son talked to me about it, and said he didn't know what
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    to do because he wanted both his mom and my wife to be there. He said that he could just invite my wife if it was easier, and celebrate with his mom separately. I know that
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    my son is still close with his mom even though he doesn't see her as often anymore, so | told him that unless there was a specific reason he didn't want her there, he should
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    probably invite his mom first, and put his name in for the raffle to try and get one for my wife. He seemed happy with this idea, and called his mom to tell her.
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    Earlier today, my wife was asking my son about the graduation, and he told told her that he didn't have enough tickets for everyone,
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    but was trying to get an extra one for her. She asked who he had given the tickets to and he said me, his brother, and his mom. She seemed a bit surprised but didn't say anything else.
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    Later she said if I could ask my son to give the ticket to her instead of his mom, and I told her no because it was his choice, and he had already told his mom. She said she
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    didn't understand why he would give it to his mom when he doesn't even see her that often, and that he should have just given it to her. I told her that I told him to invite his
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    mom, and even if he doesn't see her as often it doesn't mean that his mom doesn't matter to him. She got upset and asked why I would tell him that, and wouldn't I rather
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    spend the day with her instead of my ex. I said that is didn't matter what I though because my son is really close with his mom, and just because I've had issues with
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    her doesn't mean that he does too. Now my wife is mad at me, and accused me of just wanting to see my ex. I do
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    want my wife to come to the graduation, but I think that it's more important that my son has his mom there. AITA?
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    QueenHelloKitty Info: does the 19yr old want to go? Some siblings care, others don't
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    Kindly Zebra3960 OP Yes, I'm pretty sure he does. They're really close, and he was happy when my son asked him. He moved for university, but he's planning to fly back for the graduation
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    Jealous-Jellyfish560 Was this not an issue when the 19 year old graduated? NTA. Your wife should understand that it's his mother. Also, you didn't tell him not to invite your wife.
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    Kindly_Zebra3960 OP We had only been married for not even a year at that point, and she didn't know them as well, so it wasn't really a problem
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    November-8485 Your son came to you with a valid problem and you gave him good advice. But he needs the follow up advice of either, please let your step mom know or I'll be talking to your step mom.
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    Step mom has a right to be (a little) hurt but in reality, it was always going to be her that didn't get a ticket. Her asking him to not invite his mom, WILD. Nope. It's his day, his tickets, and he gets to invite who he wants. She's absolutely wrong there.
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    Light ESH because I believe a convo should have been had to step mom/wife before she just 'discovers' she's not invited. Delivery would have improved the outcome I like to think.
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    Kindly Zebra3960 OP Yes, I realized I should have talked to her about it, but I wanted to wait until my son for sure chose his mom. He called his mom yesterday so I was planning to talk to her tonight, but she had already asked by then.
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    IndependentMindedGal YTA. You suggested a solution to your son, but then put it on him to explain "his" solution to your wife. That was your job, and should have been done long before your 17 YO had to take the heat.
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    What planet your wife is on, thinking she comes before his own mother, is anyone's guess. But doesn't sound like son didn't expect it. Next time, please have your son's back.
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    Evening-Dare6012 The fact that your wife (who has only been in your son's life for a few years) thinks she deserves ticket over your son's mother is a huge red flag. You are NTA, but she absolutely is
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    -DovahQueen- You are definitely NTA your wife is though. His mother is just as important if not more important than his step mom to him. He only gets 3 tickets and unless there is some reason that his bio mom should not be in his life ie she is ak...sive the ticket should go to her.
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    scooby946 Slight YTA, you came up with the idea to invite mom first and hope for a raffle ticket later. Why did you then not tell your wife? And, throw your son under the bus? You could have privately discussed it with her and reassured her that son is actively trying for more tickets.

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